Letter: How to cook a husband up good
Some women keep their husbands in a stew by irritating words and ways, others waste them. Some keep them in a pickle all their lives. No husbands will be tender and good if treated in such ways, but they are extremely delicious when properly managed over a steady heat.
Be sure to select him yourself, as tastes differ. Do not go to the market for him, as the best ones are always brought to the door. See that the linen in which he is wrapped, and in which you later wrap him, is nicely washed, mended and ironed. See that it has full quota of button and sewed on neatly.
Tie him into the kettle by a strong silken cord of comfort. The one called duty is only jute and is apt to be weak. If he flies out of the kettle, he is apt to be burned and crusty around the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, they must be cooked while alive.
Have a clear, steady fire, colored with love, tidiness, and good cheer. Set him as near to it as may seem best. If he sputters, have patience; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what experienced confectioners call kisses, avoid vinegar and pepper by every means. A little spice of some sort may add flavor, but it just be added with a delicate taste.
Do not sick any sharp instruments into him to see if he is becoming tender. You will know by instinct when he is done. You will then find him very digestible, agreeing perfectly with your appetite and tastes. He will keep as long as you want him, unless you carelessly set him in too cool a place.
Even a poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with smiles and flavored with kisses.
To keep them, wrap them in a mantel of charity, keep them warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. When thus prepared they keep for years.
This is advice to a wife. Advice to the husband must be given my someone else.
Cecilia and Dennis Moody are Pueblo West residents who own and operate “Southwest Flavors,” a gourmet food story with a spicy emphasis. The Moody’s will share recipes on this page from homemade remedies to those shared by friends and family. They can be reached at 547-4649 or 369-9710.